“It’s time to be who I am, instead of who I’m supposed to be.” -Thor
Yes, you read that right. I’m quoting Thor from the 2019 Marvel film Avengers: Endgame. Besides being a fan of superhero movies, I really loved the Thor storyline from this movie. Thor is the god of thunder from Norse mythology. In the film, Thor is grieving the loss of his home and family and goes through a major transition. This juxtaposition of a god that represents might and power being so vulnerable really touched me.
Cultures are, in general, comprised of a lot of “supposed to’s”. Every new role, or persona we take on has a list of the ways we should act and how to carry ourselves, and leadership is no exception. No one handed you that list, but through years of learning we all internalize it.
If you took a moment right now to pause and reflect, what would your list look like? What are your “supposed to’s”? You can start with leadership but if you’re feeling ambitious you can extend that to being a Peer, your roles in your family, and social circles. Go ahead and take some time right now to jot some of them down.
How many of your supposed to’s are just nonsense? Things that you know are absurd? My big one is perfection. I know it’s impossible and not even preferable but it’s always the first one on my list that I just can’t seem to erase.
If you’re willing to go a little deeper, how many things on that list are actually antithetical to who you know you are in your heart? While change and adaptation are valuable, are there “supposed to’s” on your list that actually feel like a betrayal of your Self?
“The first problem for all of us…is not to learn, but to unlearn.” – Gloria Steinem
The task of unlearning is no small one. But peeling off those layers, the years and years of learning means we get to know ourselves. To find out who we are and not who we are “supposed to be.” And hopefully, as we discover that person, we can accept and love them as fully as we would another.
For a long time I didn’t even know who I was. I knew the person I wanted to be, but that was just a fairy tail. When I was able to accept me for me ,and who I am, then I was able to find healing. Not only healing form my past but my present as well. I always wanted to leave a mark on the world. Change lives and make a difference do something huge and amazing. I remember being a kid and wanting so badly to be famous. Needless to say that just wasn’t my calling. When I was able to live in reality it was hard for me to accept myself. I was always comparing myself too others. I became jealous and envious and didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin. I lived in a fog for many years. I had children very young so I new I was suppose to be a mom. So that’s what I acted like a “mom” But other than that who was I? I have struggled with my confidence and became so overwhelmed with peoples acceptance of me.” On other terms you could say I was very co-dependent.” I was shy and standoff-ish. I didn’t even know who I was I just knew who I was suppose to be. But how can I be this person and I font even know who I am. So I did some soul searching and found out that I am famous. And I have changed the world. My kids are my would and I am number one in their eyes. I would rather change the world by doing small things in a big way, not by small thing in a big way. I am exactly who I am suppose to be. Me…