Dealing with Loss
Dealing with Loss
Imagine having an illness that can take everything away from you – your spouse or partner, your children, your home, your friends, your financial resources, your job and career, years of life, cherished dreams, and even your own self-image. Most people with major mental illnesses suffer one or more of these catastrophic losses and the impact can be devastating.
Grief is an undeveloped concept in our current approach to psychological illness. Because mental illness is both stigmatized and frightening, society — including patients, caregivers and professionals — often fail to validate the sense of loss that accompanies diagnosis.
After a significant loss, people often feel overwhelmed with feelings of guilt, shock, anger and grief. Sadness and depression sometimes feels like it will never ease up or go away. It eventually will go away for most people, but every person grieves differently and at their own pace.
In 1969, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced what became known as the “five stages of grief.” These stages of grief were based on her studies of the feelings of patients facing terminal illness, but many people have generalized them to other types of negative life changes and losses, such as the death of a loved one, a major financial reversal, or a break-up.
Kübler-Ross’s five stages of grief are:
Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”
Note that some people have added additional steps to this process.
Not everyone goes through all of the steps and the steps themselves are not necessarily addressed in a linear fashion. Many people spiral through these stages as well.
Supporting Others Who Are Grieving
The UT Counseling and Mental Health Center recommends the following tips for helping people who have experienced serious loss.
As the shock of the loss fades, there is a tendency on the part of the griever to feel more pain and sadness. Well-meaning friends may avoid discussing the subject due to their own discomfort with grief or their fear of making the person feel bad. As a result, people who are grieving often feel more isolated or lonely in their grief.
People who are grieving are likely to fluctuate between wanting some time to themselves and wanting closeness with others. They may want someone to talk to about their feelings. Below are some ways that you can help a client who has experienced loss:
* Be a good listener
* Ask about their feelings
* Just sit with them
* Share your feelings
* Ask about their loss
* Remember the loss
* Make telephone calls
* Acknowledge the pain
* Let them feel sad
* Be available when you can
* Do not minimize grief
* Talk about your own losses
The UT site has an excellent publication on grieving and loss at http://cmhc.utexas.edu/griefloss.html
Summary
A major mental illness diagnosis often comes with severe loss. An important part of dealing with mental illness is helping people come to terms with the losses in their lives.